More often than not, I forget to be grateful. But today I remembered to count my blessings and you know, gratitude feels so much better than wanting what everyone else has, or even worse, wishing I had something better.

For those of you who happened upon this blog, I'm Mary Castillo - new mom, new author and the kind of person you'd see hoarding those perfect fit tee's at Old Navy when they have one of those three for one sales. Even though I write chica lit, I don't own a pair of Manolo Blahniks (actually I didn't know that was a shoe until I started watching "Sex and the City," after it ended!), I'm up at all hours of the night because of the demanding new man in my life, who currently weighs 18 pounds and makes me melt with his toothless smiles, and oh yes, I drive a minivan.

So back to my point, I had an epiphany the other day while changing my son's diaper and "Soak Up The Sun" by Sheryl Crow popped into my head. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but isn't it curious that songs just randomly play it your head and that's when you really listen to what that song is trying to say? Well, that happened to me. The song seemed to get stuck on the following line like a scratch in the record: "I don't have digital. I don't have diddly squat. It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got."

And then later that day, I met my husband for lunch at Sam Woo's. My fortune cookie said, "The poor man is the one who wants everything. The rich man is the one who wants nothing." I won't be offended if you think I'm crazy for finding a life lesson in a fortune cookie. But it was a necessary wake-up call to the way I had been thinking for quite some time.

You see, a few months ago, I heard about a fellow author who made a killer six-figure deal. My first thought was, "why not me?" I'm not proud of that, especially when I had the phenomenal fortune of publishing two - yes, two! - titles my first time out the gate. Not only that, my novel Hot Tamara was selected by Cosmo as a Red Hot Read for April 2005 and the New York Daily News called it one of the Hot, Hotter and Hottest book titles for Spring 2005. But to my credit, I can honestly say that I was happy for her because I know what it takes to write a book, much less actually sell the damn thing. She's one of the hardest working authors I know and certainly, the most generous.

Hmm...perhaps I'm not as bad I thought. But I could be better.

Here's the thing, I'm ending 2005 with a top 20 list of the things I'm most grateful for. Usually I end each year with a master plan of all the goals I want to accomplish in the new year. I'll certainly continue to do that, but only after I pay my respects to what has been an incredible year. Just in case you think I'm about to get all Oprah on you, I won't tell you to do it, too. Unless, of course, you want to. However from my own experience, gratitude is a gravitational force. Neediness, envy and fear are born out of nothing, usually from our own imagination. But gratitude has weight, and yet, it's not baggage. It has reopened by creativity, my love for the written word and restored peace to my soul.

I, Mary Castillo of sound body and mind, am grateful for:

1. My son
2. My husband
3. My mom, dad and mother-in-law
4. My girl friends
5. My two pugs, Francoise and Rascal, who trained me well for motherhood
6. Having a home and food in my refrigerator
7. Each and every moment I can sit down and write
8. My agent
9. My colleagues at Harper Collins
10. Orange County Chapter of RWA
11. Every new idea that comes to mind
12. All of the emails from readers who loved my book
13. All of the readers who came to my booksignings
14. All of the emails from readers who hated my book
15. The lessons I learned from my mistakes
16. The advice my first writing teacher gave me, "Discipline protects the talent."
17. The giant tree outside my living room window
18. Each new day
19. Second chances
20. Not always getting what I want

Thanks for reading!

What I'm Reading: Mrs. Jeffries Stalks the Hunter by Emily Brightwell

What I'm Writing: Chapter 21 of Switchcraft