What Lent Has Taught Me

"Therese Martin as a Carmelite Nun" @ Art.com

Lent has not taught me that I'm weak or full of sin. It's taught me how to be here not way over "there."

When I was a kid, Lent was a time when I gave up candy, TV and meat on Fridays, which was cool because mom would sometimes drive to McDonalds for fillet o'fish meals! But somewhere in my 20's I would realize I'd forgotten Lent when Easter sprang out of nowhere. In my 30's I resurrected (oh, bad word choice!) ... where was I? In my 30's I practiced Lent differently. Instead of denying myself the physical and edible pleasures of life, I practiced presence.

Instead of seeing a piece of chocolate and screaming no while making the sign of the cross at it, I decided to catch myself caught up in thoughts or emotions. On the rare occasions that I did, I took that time to breathe, to hear the plane just flew over my house or what my son was saying; to smell the newly blossoming jasmine that grows by our front door or the trash that we'd forgotten to throw out the night before. Without judging the trash or the jasmine (which by the way, really needs a hair cut) or myself for not listening to my son, the 40 days and 40 nights of Lent are a good time to be here.

As a writer, I'll be abstaining from self criticism and doubt, which are the demonic sisters of self-centeredness. During Lent I won't be meeting page counts or finished manuscripts; I'll be here with the work and letting it develop and grow. When those shrewish voices start hollering in my head, I hope for the presence of mind to breathe and let the voices go quiet on their own and return to the writing.

A post everyone should read...

The link to Deborah Schneider's courageous and inspiring story, "Long Time No See" landed on my Facebook feed this morning. It's a gift I'd like to share with all of you!

Me, Me, Me, Me

"Girl Before a Mirror" by Pablo Picasso @ Art.com

These days I have a real problem with promotion. There I said it and I wasn't struck down by lightening. I am, however, struck by my own bull s#*!.

My next short story will come out this April in the anthology, Orange County Noir. When I first saw the cover, I immediately searched for my name. There it was! When we began scheduling events, I'd get that little "what a minute" feeling when my name was at the bottom of the press release or I wasn't asked to participate in certain events. Its painful and a little embarrassing to admit that I am "one of those" authors who are always seeking her spot in the limelight. But its the truth.

Back when the publisher let me go and then later my agent, I learned that self-centeredness makes for a very painful and small world. In light of that lesson, I stepped back from promoting my wares, shifted this blog to showcase other authors, artists and musicians and went back to my writing. So along comes Orange County Noir and here I thought I'd worked through all that ego stuff. But it was there waiting and as I began my promotion plan, it pounced.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to have published my stories and the readers who have enjoyed them. I love what I do and that I'm able to make a living through it. I don't mind sharing my experiences through the blog and I realize that promoting the book is part of the whole enterprise. But how does one get the word out about the work without promoting oneself?

I'm not sure. Maybe its enough to be aware of my ego when it chimes in with: they could've put your name before that guy's, or couldn't they have used a larger font? Hopefully its enough to go into the planning and execution with the idea that the work is the star, not me the author.

To stay aware of the landmines inherent in promotion and marketing, I've posted this quote above the laptop and in the promo plan and may possibly tattoo it on my left wrist:

"Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard."

-Daphne Du Maurier

I'll let you know how it goes.

Let's Think About This

"Young Girl Writing at Her Desk with Birds" from Art.com

I'm coming out of writing to make an observation about The New York Observer's article about publishers canceling contracts on late manuscripts. I've only missed one deadline in my life and that was due to my own foolishness in thinking that I could finish a book while my newborn slept. (Its okay if you laugh at me because I just did, too.)

Now that's not the only reason why my publisher didn't option my mariachi book. My other books weren't selling as well and my editor wasn't crazy about mariachi, which seems to be a recurring theme but that's another story.

However after reading the article in question, I'm just wondering if publishers are now canceling contracts does that mean we authors can pull the plug if they don't pay us within 30 days?

Here's how it works, kids. When you verbally accept your editor's offer to publish your book, you then receive your revision letter usually within a week or two. But your contract takes about two to three months. Meanwhile, you're so damn excited to have sold your book that you'd have your editor's baby. You work day and night and in your car during your lunch hour on those revisions so that you can impress your editor with your timeliness. But she gets the book before you see much less sign the contract. Its like this: the customer gets to drive the car off the lot before she pays the dealer.

Wait ... it gets better!

So then you get your contract. It takes much longer if your agency vets it with their lit attorney, which is valuable but not exactly expedient. When you open that package, you're on your knees with emotion. (At least, I was.) You sign it with reverence, show it to your family and then send it back in an armored truck. Then you wait two to three more months to receive your check during which you're either doing more revisions, or writing a new book to further impress your editor.

I realize I may come of as an ingrate or a bitterly dejected has-been. But let's look at it from the author's point of view, who by the way, has probably worked on her book for years before selling it. How many editors wait up to six months to receive their paychecks? Do the folks in the contracts department wait this long? The agent's lit attorney?

Am I wrong in asking this question? Why do I feel like I'm about to be struck down with lightning?!?

Dean Koontz once spoke at Orange County Chapter of Romance Writers of America. He was quite frank about the disappointments and unfairness towards authors and all this from a guy who is worth hundreds of millions. At the time, I thought he was a bit spoiled but now having experienced the publishing business, by George, he was right! This business can make you demonic if you let it.

Nonetheless its important for authors to see things as they are. Would I go back and snatch Hot Tamara away from my editor? Hell no. And here's the crazy thing: I'm willing to do it all over again with my mariachi book. There is nothing like holding that contract in your hand, the fruit of all those hours you spent in front of a computer writing book after book after book while other people were out there, living! There is nothing like tearing open that package and seeing the ARC of your soon-to-be-released book. There is nothing like walking into the bookstore down the street and watching the clerk take your book out of the box and asking you to sign it.

That is the stuff what all of us authors, enlightened or not, dream about. But you don't get it for free. There is no light without darkness, no joy without sorrow, no heads without tails. Just see it for what it is and do what I'm about to do: dive down into the writing because that is where your truth resides.

The Mountain

Photo from Art.com

On the night that I decided to become a writer, I dreamed of walking on a road leading to a mountain. My destination, the mountain, stood far in the distance and the road I walked curved and rose and fell. Depending on where I stood, the road seemed to disappear completely from view. But the mountain was always there, waiting and watching in clear weather and foul.

The dream was a symbol of the choice I'd made earlier that day in a tourist shop in Sedona, AZ. My choice would never be easy, it wouldn't always be rewarding and it would bring me to the conjoined twins, Ridicule and Jealousy over and over again. But the dream told me that storytelling was my calling, my soul's work. I've never regretted the decision to embrace that calling. Ever since that day back in 1994, I've never woken up and not said thank you.

Today I got some very disappointing news with regards to Aracely Calderon. And yet, I don't feel too sorry for myself because for the last five months I've been researching for an eight-part mini-series being written for Will Smith's company, Overbrook Productions. I'm developing a cable series and preparing another script for a prestigious fellowship.

Good thing I have a sense of humor, not to mention patience, because I had to train as a screenwriter to become an author to then become a screenwriter. The road has taken me to some amazing places and it only knows where it will lead me next. Honestly folks, I don't know when my next standalone book will be released. It could be in three years, thirteen or thirty. It could be with a major publisher, a small independent or on my own dime. But you have no idea how grateful I am to you who have not only bought my books for yourselves, but also as gifts for your family and friends. You have no idea how much I treasure the emails you have taken the time to write where you asked when my next book will come out. Thank you. Thank you all of you.

I say this with much confidence and hope that we'll meet again, through one of my books or on a TV or movie screen, somewhere on the way to the mountain.

By the way, I will not close down this blog! I will continue to write my thoughts when they come or share a kick-ass book or author. And mija, when I sell Aracely Calderon (this is where you will notice that I am a dyed-in-the-wool Capricorn) I will be OBNOXIOUS in my excitement. But in the meantime, its time to get back to work.

Tone Deaf

Musique by Gustav Klimt @ Art.com

The other day Ryan and I were talking about the books and scripts we've read lately. I had just come off a two-month reading dry spell during which I'd start a new book and then put it down at page 20, not caring what happened in the end.

Up till I had a child, my rule was never to leave a book unfinished. But I'm 35 now and in my family that makes me just shy of middle aged. My great grandma lived till she was 76 and my great grandpa and Grandma Mary stuck around till they were 88 ... mas o menos (neither were forthcoming about their real ages). So compared to what I want to accomplish in this lifetime and my probable life expectancy, I don't have a lot of time to waste.

Anyway, Ryan argued that the reason why so many movies fall short and why so many books go unfinished is that their authors are tone deaf when it comes to story. Even though many writers come up with great ideas and snazzy hooks, and possess enviable literary wit, they can't move a story from point A to Z.

So when I think about the books that I'd given up on, I realized indeed they were tone deaf in story. In other words, nothing was happening except the protagonist complaining about his or her life. Or worse, I was reading an author who clearly loved hearing him or herself talk. Nothing was at stake and no one or nothing was in jeopardy and those my friends are the building blocks of a good story.

Now this isn't a literary fiction versus popular fiction rant. Nor does it have anything to do with my constant irritation with books titled, "The Candyman's Daughter" or "The Stinky Cheesemaker's Wife." I don't think that you don't have to be "genre-fied" to spin a rip-roaring yarn. For example, even some books that cultural connoisseurs have deemed literary fiction, tell stories. Check it out:

In Cold Mountain, a soldier is making his way back home and to the woman he loves. Inman is in constant peril and much is at stake.

In Water for Elephants, a young veterinary student joins the circus and falls in love with a married woman. On each page, Jacob's life and that of an elephant are on the line.

In The Great Gatsby - it's read in high school so it's a certifiable classic literary novel - a man tries to woo the golden girl who's married to a lout. Jay Gatsby risks his heart for idealistic love.

So recently I came across a book that lacked a story and I froze with terror that the dry spell had started again.

(By the way, I won't name names because that's cheesy and I don't need attention so badly that I'll risk your hate mail.)

Going back to the book ... The character was cute but if you read chick lit, you've read her a thousand times over and better. The writing was fast-paced and in a few places quirky enough for me to crack a grin. And guess where it takes place? If you thought New York, you win!

I gave it up at page 7 even though:

• A major publishing house bought and published it.
• An editor, marketing/PR person, copyeditor, sales squad, cover artist and a cast befitting a Cecil B. DeMille epic worked on it.
• You'll find it on the tables at major book stores.
• Many prominent women in media called it the best thing since their vibrator.

Okay, I made up the part about vibrators but you get the idea.

This book, out of thousands, was plucked for publication even though IT HAS NO STORY.

Seriously dude, that's the problem. Too many people are story tone deaf and yet have the wherewithal - time and a laptop and in some cases, friends in high places - to write a manuscript that gets published. Trust me, I know. Having judged plenty of contests and having read some awesome work by the members of my former critique group, there are stories out there that can't find a place at your local bookstore. They're held off because (a) they're not "high concept" enough (an over-rated ideal, let me tell you) or (b) publishers can't take chances on stuff that's not regency romances or vampires. (Dude, I do don't get the vampire thing.)

But could someone become pitch perfect when it comes to story? Do you have to be "special," or can you cultivate it?

Hmm. That's a toughie. I guess it's up to the individual - not that I'm claiming to have been born with great literary prowess .... just ask the people who proclaimed their hatred of my books on Amazon.com. But when it comes to story, I'm always learning by reading books and watching movies. I read plenty and preferably, beyond the confines of my genre.

When I'm lucky to find that special book or movie that make me forget that I'm a writer, I reread/rewatch it to spot how the author structured the story. I even take notes and ask myself the following:

1. What does she reveal about the characters? But most importantly, how and when does she reveal what they're trying to keep secret?
2. How does she work characters against each other and create conflict that make me hold the book tighter, or lean forward towards the screen?
3. Where are the pulse points of the story? (One could call them plot points, turning points ... whatever floats your boat.

I'm not saying anything new about story telling, by the way. I think every writer knows these questions instinctively and through writing and rewriting and more writing and rewriting, you understand what you've been doing since you were playing make-believe as a kid.

So with that all said - oh, I feel like I could walk on air! - I've got some storytelling to do.

An Aha Moment

I didn't die nor did my laptop, in case you're wondering why this blog hasn't been updated. It's the same-old, same-old around here. I've been caught up in writing so much that I called the Little Dude by a character's name. I guess it's fair because he now has make-believe "bad guys" and "good guys" who get into all kinds of scrapes. (My husband and I are not excluded from these rip, roaring yarns.) Now that the Little Dude can talk, Ryan and I can't think of whom he gets his imagination from ... it must be something in our water.

Anyway, I'm studying TV writing and came across this passage from Crafty TV Writing: Thinking Inside the Box by Alex Epstein. He's talking about telling a story out loud before writing it, and reading it again after you've written it. But this part really got me ... can't you tell, since I haven't posted a blog since Mary Talbot Fee, whose CD is FABULOUS!!!

Whether you are writing a TV episode, a screenplay, a novel, an essay, a presentation, or a speech, there is nothing as effective in streamlining, enriching and generally beating a story into shape as winging the whole thing front to back off the top of your head.

After all, what you do have to lose? You're not driving a car. You can't hurt anyone. If you wrap your story around a tree, you can always untangle it and get it back on the road again with a few leaps of imagination.

This technique worked very well for In Between Men, especially since there were so many different POVs. All I did was read ten-page sections into a tape recorder and then played it back while reading along with the manuscript. It's really not that painful. Trust me.

But I've never tried telling the story out loud before I've written it. I think I'll give it a try with the new material I'm planning to work on over the next couple of weeks. I'll let you know how it works.

Line Up Ladies

Yesterday I turned in the micro-mini mystery short story to the editor of OC Noir. Its now in his hands and my heroine, Danielle, lingers in the back of mind, impatiently tapping her toe and wondering when the hell I'll write her book. But first, I have a MAJOR revision to my mariachi book and then I head back to 1926 for the historical and then zip back to present day for the ghost story.

Don't worry Danielle, a revision is inevitable so our time is not yet over. But then you'll have to get in line with the other ladies.

Shifting gears from one story to another, for me, is a process. I want to jump right in and yet, I don't want any of the stuff from the first project to bleed into the next. Also there's the fear that the new project won't come out the way I want it to. Invariably it never does but I still hang onto this fear because ... well, I'm not sure why. But I'm working on it. Characters come to life, they whisper secrets in my ear or in my dreams. Or, they just take over the and tell me that's how it's gonna be.

Writers, you know what I'm talking about. Readers, you get to experience it on the other side when you suddenly lean in closer to the book and hold on with both hands to see what happens next.

I've been writing the mariachi story for oh, about three years now. Each revision is like peeling skin and then muscle and now bone. It's the book that is challenging me; it looks down its nose at me and says, "Come Castillo. Show me what you got, b!%(#." And I love it.

But first I step in. I review the notes I've collected over the past month while writing the mystery. I watch the mariachi documentaries I've collected from PBS (God bless them!), review my interview notes and then sit down with the manuscript without a pen or pencil and just let myself into the world. After a thorough read during which I make no marks but take notes in a separate notebook, I open up my working outline and then reread the manuscript with colored pencils and stickies. When that's all done, I'm in.

So here I go!

The Prize

The other night when the image of Barack Obama as our 44th president flashed on screen, I thought it was a technical glitch. The music had cut out and there was a stretch of silence that usually comes when someone in the control room hit the wrong button. But then Tom Brokow appeared and he assured us that yes, we had a new president.

Some people wept with joy, others shouted and danced. Our neighbor blew off fire crackers in the street and I saw Ryan wipe a tear or two off his face (and he didn't even joke that it was dusty in our living room). However, I couldn't move. My throat was tight and my eyes a little misty but I couldn't feel my face from the shock. I'm not much of a crier. I'll do it in private or at the movies, but when everyone else falls apart around me, something snaps inside me and I'm the one passing around the kleenex box before going into the ktichen to make tea.

Ever since Tuesday night, I've been struck by moments of such intense emotion especially when writing. It freezes me in place. I'd like to cry just to flush it out of my system, but before I can it just settles back down, waiting in its dark corner to get me again. In fact I'm coming out of it right now after having written a scene between Anna and the man she loves. Not much is happening on the surface. But they're face to face, half lit by a dim lamp. She's crossed an emotional ocean to realize that even though she loves him, their life together is not to be. Oh I wish I could share it but half the sentences don't have periods and I've probably misspelled their names.

I wasn't sure I could tap into the intensity of what is happening inside her. I thought I'd maybe get it in the third draft but it came out of nowhere. I felt the same way when I wrote the scene between Tamara and Will on the Queen Mary, and again in Switchcraft when Nely and Aggie watch the ending of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.

I used to think that the ultimate prize you'd get as a writer was the publishing contract and then the big check that came in the mail. Don't get me wrong; they're pretty cool and I'd like to sign another contract in the future. But the real prize are these moments when the emotion and the honesty is almost too much for you to handle. In a way, you don't just write a scene or a book; you create an experience. Like Tuesday night, we didn't just elect a president; we made good on the promises of the Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that
among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure
these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers
from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish
it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles
and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to
effect their Safety and Happiness.

I don't know about you, but rereading those words in light of what happened earlier this week gives me chills.

Maybe I will go have that cry after all.

NaNoWriMo With Shelley Adina

Last November, Shelley Adina needed to kickstart a book that was coming due to her publisher. Find out how she used NaNoMo to make her deadline on her upcoming release, Be Strong and Curvaceous!

Chica Lit: Please tell us how you prepared for NaNoWriMo.

Shelley: I was contracted for book 3 in the All About Us series, Be Strong and Curvaceous, due that January, and I was behind on it because of work on previous books. So a November kickstart was perfect timing for me. To prepare for the experience, I outlined my book in advance. To do that, I got the characters nailed down and wrote out a clear series of events that would put external and internal pressure on my protagonist. These pressures caused her to change, so that in the black moment "crunch" at the end of the book, she had resources within herself to do what she could not have done at the beginning. With this narrative line in mind, and a clear theme (the power of courage), I was ready to write on November 1.

Chica Lit: On those days when the blank page glared back at you, how did you just keep writing?

Shelley: It's hard, no doubt about it. But what helps me is to go over my synopsis again, to remember the book's theme, and to read over the previous day's work and give it an edit pass. This seems to prime the pump, and the words start to trickle in. When they don't, I go for a walk. Or eat chocolate. That works, too.

Chica Lit: At the end of NaNoMo how many words had you written?

Shelley: I got about 30,000 words, I think. It wasn't the NaNo goal of 50,000, but it was half a book!

Chica Lit: And then what happened after NaNoMo?

Shelley: I then had six weeks to write the second half, which was completely doable. The first 100 pages are always the hardest for me. Once those were behind me in the NaNo process, I could keep on rolling until "The End."

Chica Lit: What will you be working on this month?

Shelley: I'm working on The Chic Shall Inherit the Earth, the sixth and final book in the series. I already had the synopsis completed and approved by my publisher (it has a few edgy elements that had to get the green light first). I know my protagonist's character arc, and the key events are all mapped out in my head. November is all about the writing ... and then I'll be celebrating the release of Be Strong and Curvaceous, in bookstores everywhere in January!

Can't Deal With This Anymore

Sinner's Game from Art.com

Today was one of those days when I actually went to Monster.com to look at job postings. I was about three-quarters of the way through chapter 15 when I couldn't write another word of uninspired, torpid prose. The dialogue was okay but at this stage, my scenes have no transitions and I'm not even sure if these scenes are taking me closer to the end of the book.

After perusing the job market, I remembered the days when I'd be at work thinking it was 3:30 p.m. when it was only 1:15 p.m. and dying for that clock to spin around to 5:30 p.m. so I could go home and write all the scenes that I had been thinking about since I'd driven to the office that morning. Yep, that did the trick.

Suddenly, I remembered what this chapter was about and how it fit into the greater scheme of the book. I didn't want to practice my presentations or run errands or even walk the six feet to the kitchen for a pick-me-up. I wanted to write all because I remembered the time when I swore that I'd never complain about being a full-time writer.

No more looking back ... unless I need to be reminded of how good I've got it!

Shaggy Beast

I finished draft five of the mariachi book. I cut ten pages and it's still longer than any of my previous books.

Editing and revision are curious times in a book's life. I could've sworn that the book was done, er, two drafts ago. But then after reading my husband's editorial notes, I found scenes that had once seemed crucial to the life of the story. They were just dead weight and sadly, with some really beautiful sentences, had to go.

But my gut tells me that this newly shorn version is the one that I'll send to my agent. I'm already missing my characters, which is a sign that they have gone on with their lives and want nothing more to do with me and my God complex.

Sigh. Like a college freshman is to her parents, this book is no longer mine. It now belongs to the readers and while I love it when you guys enjoy my books, there's a possessive voice in my head that says, "But it was mine first!"

Hey, it could be worse, right?

Now I have to decide which new story idea to write!

IT'S DONE!

Well, almost.

I'm smiling because I finished this rewrite. (In my experience, there are always more.) But it is so close to what I envisioned that I almost cried as I wrote the last line. Which, by the way I have done with every story except for two. And they never sold so that must mean something.

My problem, however, is that this story a bit long (448 manuscript pages) and I think it might need an epilogue. But I don't know what happens in the epilogue.

Anyway, for now I'll enjoy the feeling that I've gone from beginning to end and lived to tell the tale. Maybe I'll do something crazy this afternoon like watch Oprah!

Nah. My tomatoes need watering and I need to track down some pictures.

Cheers,

Mary

Now I'm Getting Nervous

...because Names I Call My Sister will be unleashed on the reading public and all I can think about before I go to sleep are all the things I wish that I'd written differently.

Get this widget!

I do this to myself with every book. And I have a feeling that it will only be worse with Switchcraft because it came from a deep and very personal place in my heart.

Cheers,
Mary

If I Were a Man, I Never Would've Gotten Any Action

Because in my 20's, I had a real problem with asking for what I wanted.

I remember the very first query letter I wrote to Harlequin Silhouette. I was almost apologizing for wasting their time in asking them to consider my book. Admittedly, it wasn't a great book but you think after all the nights and lunch hours I spent on that thing that I would've been a better advocate than that.

As time wore on, I wanted to be published so badly that it became my life purpose to sell Hot Tamara. Maybe I was tired of rejection, or just getting ornery as I approached my thirties. Whatever the case, I began thinking about why I should be published as opposed to why I shouldn't. When I wrote that fateful query letter to Harper Collins, I shook my moneymaker, baby. I was damn proud of that story. Having reread the letter recently, there's a chutzpah to it even though the book had already been rejected by ten agents.

The thing is, when you finally climb up into the realm of publishing, you have to keep on asking for what you want. You have to risk that someone will tell you no, which then requires that you do some fancy footwork to change their mind, or maneuver around them. Even though I consider myself to be moderately ballsy, I still squirm just a little bit when I ask my agent to do something on my behalf, or my readers to buy my next book.

When I hesitate, I remember that no one else will do it for me ... unless of course, I ask them to.

You Know You Want It!

Yesterday ... I think it was yesterday ...

Anyway, there was a conversation about criticism. People talked about where they get it, how they deal with it and whether they even want it.

Since many of you are writers, I thought I'd toss out how I handle the whole criticism thing. Maybe this list will help your process or not. So here we go.

1. Trust your sources. The only criticism I trust comes from my husband, my friends, Jen & Dana, my agent and my editor.

However in the beginning, when I didn't have an editor and agent, my husband and Jen read my work. They told me what I needed to hear and believe me, that's very different from what I wanted to hear! So my point is to be careful as to whom you give your work. Be picky but most of all, learn to trust yourself so you know what is constructive and what isn't; what suggestions make your work stronger, versus making into what that person wants it to be.

2. Take in critiques when you're ready. When I get a revision letter from my agent or editor, I don't open it right away. If I'm in the middle of writing a new story (and depending on the timing of the revisions), I hold off on reading the letter until the new story is done. And then I go through my ritual. I make a cup of tea, close the door to my office, print out the letter and then read it over and over again.

3. Digesting the suggestions. I don't always take every single suggestion. With Switchcraft, my editor suggesting removing a supporting character all together. But I really felt that this character (her name is Arlene) allowed us to see one of the heroes in his most vulnerable moments. So I kept Arlene but I also kept in mind the spirit of my editor's suggestion. I only used Arlene in very specific scenes and my editor didn't make a peep.

4. Sometimes you need a little tough love. About six months ago, my agent had to shake me up a little. She told me that my writing wasn't up to my usual standards and dude, it hurt! But she was right, damn it. It shook me up, made me sit up straight and pay attention to what I was doing. So when I sent the revised proposal to her, she told me that I was back.

5. Tame the inner beast. Nothing, not one word of my very worst reviews could top the criticism that comes from me. My inner critic is a beast. It knows where and when I'm most vulnerable and lay me up for days. But I've learned to silence the beast, or throw a bone over my shoulder and run!

Meditation and my Buddhist studies have helped me in this way. Especially the idea that what we tell ourselves isn't always the truth. When I get down on my writing, I have to remind the beast that if I were that bad, then how is it possible that I have three books in the stores right now? I know it sounds cheesy but the book that changed my thinking in this area is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

So there you have it. How do you manage criticism? Does it keep you on your toes, or knock you on your ass?

Cheers,
Mary

When No Means No But It Should Mean Yes

I got an email today from an aspiring writer who happened upon In Between Men and loved it.

She asked if I ever got used to the rejections - apparently she read my story about how I almost didn't become an author. She wanted to know because her fear of "no" kept her from sitting down to write.

Unfortunately, yes, I have gotten used to people saying no. In fact, I'm slightly surprised when I get a yes!

It all began when I was in the School for Creative and Performing Arts at Chula Vista High School. We had to audition for every play and I sucked so bad that I always ended up as walking and talking scenery. But it never stopped me from trying for the roles with lines.

I finally got it but I only had one line and the nerves before each performance nearly killed me.

When I took my first screenwriting class, we had to pitch three ideas to the group and they decided which one you would write. I had do it again because the first three - none of which, thankfully, I can remember - wouldn't fly with the class.

It's not so much that I have this tough-as-rawhide skin. My writing teacher, Ben Masselink once told me, "The writer's skin has to be thick enough to withstand criticism but thin enough to take in the world around him."

Rather, I've learned not to take it personally and if a "no" stings, then there's a lesson in it somewhere. Either my idea doesn't have legs or it needs time to develop a pair; or its a matter of wrong person, wrong project, wrong time. When its the later, saying no to me is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I'll take the hits but somehow, some way, I'll find the person who will say yes.

Have you had to keep going in spite of getting a no? Did you ever have to give up and change direction?

I wanna know!

Cheers,
Mary